Today or devices are filled with emails, tweets, facebooks statuses’ and so forth but I remember a time of notes and love letters and sharing thoughts without a third party. I remember a time when secrets were sacred and friendships weren’t so easily broken. Maybe I’m getting old or just old fashioned but in those times people came together as opposed to today, we are growing farther apart. I am one of those people who’s phone and tablet are filled with empty emails and the most updated photos but I long for the day of receiving a letter, any letter that thought out and written with compassion or a genuine friendship that was pressure free. Its a horrible feeling to be surrounded by so many people and feel alone so instead I just wish I could rewind time.
Why is it that women seem to make more sacrifices than men. No, I am not biased but this is my truth. All winter I have been dealing with colds, flus, stomach bugs and so on and that’s just the illnesses that my children have been having. And most of the time when they were sick I was as well. Its very complicated to deal with sick toddlers who doesn’t underatand the severity of being sick while being sick yourself. The boys still thought they could play and vomit all over the house while I’m cleaning up the mess and vomiting right behind them. Of course my husband brings home the bacon so he had to work but I was praying that he stayed home for one day so I could at least lie down. But his typical response was, “I can’t, I have a lot of work to do”. I have been a military wife now for about 5 years but my husbands has missed births, birthday’s, first steps, doctor appointments, and first day of school amongst other things. Before I got married I had a career as well and when he was deployed and my daughter got ill or had a major appointment I had to put my career on hold. Yes I am complaining a little but why can’t soldiers or men in general have sick days for their wives and kids like mothers. I know my job as a mother but we shouldn’t be making all the sacrifices.
I hear this all the time. Stop dwelling on the past and don’t worry about the future. Those things will take care of itself. Or your main focus should be on the NOW because its less stressful. Is it. Why is it we should focus on the now when we are living in the moment. Why put the past behind us when it shapes the people we become. And why not worry about our future when our lives depend on what will happen tomorrow (which is the future). There isn’t a human being that hasn’t suffered mentally, physically or emotionally in their lifetime and even though we know that worrying about things that sometimes we have no control over affects our well-being we worry anyway. Does worrying make us bad people? Absolutely not. I think it shapes our character and it shows others as well as ourselves that we care about something and that we have a beating heart. The truth is I actually worry more when I try not to focus on the past and the future so either way I’m screwed. The point I’m trying to make is your thoughts are exactly that. YOURS. And we shouldn’t give them up. Stress comes from dwelling on the negative when in fact we have a lot of positive things in our past and the future. So keep your thoughts, all of them. Good or bad. They’re your thoughts and you should use them as you please.
As of January 30, 2014 (which was this past Thursday) I became a proud mother of a 5-year-old little girl. Yes, I do have other children but I just wanted to share my thoughts about how I really feel. Now I’m not the eldest of my parents 7 kids but I can remember how my siblings and I would envy our brother (which was my mother’s first-born) because he had more immunity than we had (so I thought). I can’t speak for the rest of my siblings but I can say that now I slightly understand why my parents made some of the choses they made. I’m not completely sure why nor have I asked them but the first-born, in my opinion are entitled to certain things and of course I wasn’t a parent back then so I didn’t understand. First borns are the children that we as parents make the most mistakes with. Sounds bad I know but its true. It doesn’t matter if we decide to have more children afterwards, they are usually the children that we get the most practice out of. I.E. when I went into labor I didn’t know what to expect. Regardless of how many stories I had heard or seen on television nothing prepared me for that pain. So by the time I became pregnant with the twins I knew what to expect and I have my daughter to thank for that. Honestly, my labor was much better with the twins than with my daughter. Anyway, her first cold, first bath, first cut, first day of school, etc. are all examples of things I didn’t know anything about until her. And I’m sure all parents feel that way about their eldest child. So I owe my eldest a lot because she did for me what nobody else could, and that’s teaching me how to be a mother for the children I had after her. When she’s old enough to understand I’m going to let her know how much I appreciate the fact that she came first because she deserves it. Her making it to her 5th birthday was a huge milestone for me. One short step down a long road and she’s worth it.